The Great Grape Gum Conspiracy
Lately, and mostly due to the whistle in my chest when I wake up in the morning, I have considered quitting smoking. Not that tottering down the basement stairs to inhale multiple toxins into my lungs the first 40 seconds I am awake has become boring...the attempted trip back up the stairs is an adventure I find hard to divorce,
Still, I amuse myself by pondering how much more satisfying a good ol' piece of grape gum would taste instead of the fumes of my lungs being slow cooked.
The problem is, at least in the Pittsburgh area, grape gum cannot be found.
Give me a piece of Grape Super Bubble and all my problems are solved. But,,,NO! Berry flavored seems to be the new craze among the bubble gum technicians. Berrydelicious, my ass!
I was in the check out line at Target earlier today and the only new flavor was Sizzlin' Cinnamon. Yep, that is what a 47 yr old woman besieged with hot flashes in the middle of August wants to pop in her mouth on the way to her un-air-conditioned car.
I can't say I care for lawyers but I am hiring one now. Over my lung diseased coffin that could have been saved by Grape Gum I want my family to reap the rewards of my simple request.
Somebody
Anybody
Send me some damn grape gum.
Lately, and mostly due to the whistle in my chest when I wake up in the morning, I have considered quitting smoking. Not that tottering down the basement stairs to inhale multiple toxins into my lungs the first 40 seconds I am awake has become boring...the attempted trip back up the stairs is an adventure I find hard to divorce,
Still, I amuse myself by pondering how much more satisfying a good ol' piece of grape gum would taste instead of the fumes of my lungs being slow cooked.
The problem is, at least in the Pittsburgh area, grape gum cannot be found.
Give me a piece of Grape Super Bubble and all my problems are solved. But,,,NO! Berry flavored seems to be the new craze among the bubble gum technicians. Berrydelicious, my ass!
I was in the check out line at Target earlier today and the only new flavor was Sizzlin' Cinnamon. Yep, that is what a 47 yr old woman besieged with hot flashes in the middle of August wants to pop in her mouth on the way to her un-air-conditioned car.
I can't say I care for lawyers but I am hiring one now. Over my lung diseased coffin that could have been saved by Grape Gum I want my family to reap the rewards of my simple request.
Somebody
Anybody
Send me some damn grape gum.
posted by Victoria at 1:08 PM
1 Comments:
Hey, Sweetie . . . consider that gum on its way . . . if I can't find it here -- trust me -- the real South KNOWS grape bubblegum in all its glory. I'll have you in grape-heaven before Autumn arrives in full force!
:)
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