Hiatus

Hiatus

Life becomes darn busy sometimes, doesn't it?

Well, mine has.

This blog is going in the garage for a tune-up. When complete it will house past and *new* humor columns. I know you all will be sitting on the edge of your seats until that happens.

In the meantime please keep visiting me at my other little home: Unexpected Liberation. When this ol' bird is back up and running I'll announce it there.

Thanks for visiting. See ya soon.

Things haven't been the same since the Pope went into the hospital. 

Now I lay me down to sleep...

I've been planning my funeral...again. That may sound morbid but it's not. I find a good deal of pleasure in planning my last party.

I'm not much of a social creature and my funeral may be the only event with me as the center of attention that I will be relaxed enough to enjoy.

Besides, I know when I am going to die. That's right. I took an internet quiz and it said I was going to live until I am 81. When I told LB about the quiz he asked me what I was going to die from. I told him a veneral disease. hahahahah. I wish you could have seen his face. It was priceless. Actually, I don't remember what it said was going to make me sh*t the sheets.

Anyway....

The other day I was sorting through my old c.d.s and came across Carole King's Tapestry. Geez o pete, I hadn't listened to that in years. When it came to the title song it struck me, what a lovely song for a funeral!

Just to refresh your memory it starts out with:

My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the everchanging view
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold

Isn't that lovely? Well, then she goes on about some guy in a long coat sitting on a river rock and turning into a toad. Who the hell knows what she is rambling on about? I sure don't but it sounds remarkably like my life.

Then it ends with:

As I watched in sorrow, there suddenly appeared
A figure gray and ghostly beneath a flowing beard
In times of deepest darkness I've seen him dressed in black
Now my tapestry's unravelling, he's come to take me back
He's come to take me back

Is that not the perfect funeral song?

I can just see everyone in my husband's family scratching their heads over that one.

Oh, oh, oh! I have found the perfect casket:



Tell me that isn't my best shot to get into heaven!

And finally the tombstone. Something simple. No angels, I don't want to push things. Just my name, date I was born and the day of my passing. And underneath I want to make the same statement I have made within 100 miles of leaving home on a trip for the past ten + years.

I think I left the iron on.

My kind of kid....! 

Too much information

My youngest son, Matt, will turn 13 in two weeks.

Yesterday morning he stumbled down the stairs, half awake, and told me, "Last night I dreamt about a naked woman."

It isn't unusual for Matt to share his dreams with me. His drowsy revelations have become a regular morning routine.

This was the first "naked" dream.

I can do this. I have older sons. I know the drill.

"Well, Matt", I responded, "You are almost a teen-ager and this will happen more and more. Your body will start changing too. You are going to grow hair in your "private area" and your skin may change. You will probably start getting some pimples and need to wear deoderant."

Matt stared at me.

"The woman was obese and she was lost from a nudist colony."

Alrighty then. Forget everything else I said...

B-b-b-b bad to the bone!

This past Monday night my sweet husband treated me to an early Christmas present. Somethings just can't be put in a box and wrapped with paper and ribbon. Also some presents won't come and perform in your livingroom.

Since none of the above conditions could work out for December 25th LB drove me and our son, Matt, to the Pepsi-Cola Roadhouse for a fantastic dinner and night of George Thorogood and the Destroyers.

LB also did a wonderful job of securing our seats. The Roadhouse is music dinner theater venue and our table was very close just to the left of the stage. I have posted some of the pictures we took that night. I hope you enjoy them.

One more note: By the end of the evening I had bonded with a woman named Allison from Virginia. By the last song we were poised at the side of the stage waiting to grab a "touch" of George. (Did I mention the two pitchers of beer?) Mission was accomplished! He got close enough to grab him. I am proud to say that I have fondled the back of George Thorogood's left calf.

Oh, and security came our table twice to warn me about my picture taking. Pictures were allowed...I just don't think they were expecting a woman with a digital that could take pictures so fast it was like a strobe light going off on one side of the room. : )

George packed the house. 

Tom Hambridge opened for George and the Destroyers. I picked up his cd during the break. He has with a couple of our other favorite performers like Susan Tedeschi. You can learn more about him HERE. A very pleasant surprise to be sure! 

I wasn't the only Mom to drag her son to the concert. Actually, Julian age 13, has seen the Rolling Stones! That is his Mom, Debbie and me in the middle. That's what people get for smiling at me while I'm eating ribs. 

Matt was thrilled to be seen at the event with us. 

George! Sometimes the best pictures work out when the flash DOESN'T work. 

God Bless Anna Nicole

Apparently the new joke around town is Anna Nicole.

I have a few things to say on this subject.

First of all, A.N. is looked upon as a gold digger because she married a 90+ year old man. Has anyone considred that this poor old soul found a innocent minded, beautiful female to fall in love with him? Anna was a struggling single mother when she, I believe, honestly fell in love with a man that promised to care for her and her son.

When her Knight in Shining Honor passed away she found herself defending her intentions by his children. Apparently said Knight made his request clear or she wouldn't have been able to proceed.

Then comes the self-serving media. They made a reality show hoping to cash in on her unique story. Nobody cared about her personal struggles. Making fun of Anna Nicole made quick cash.

Anna Nicole has showed more strength than I know by losing 69 pounds.

She is absolutely beautiful. She always was.

I am saddened by how she has been thrown to the mainfront and been made a joke because she never really asked to be on the mainfront. Yes, three security guards had to hold her up. Yes, she is delusional. No, noone has the right to make fun of a disfunctional, well-intentioned innocent soul.

Especially Jimmy Kimmel. He has made his living exploiting women, insulting marriage, and making fun of a man's/father's pride in teaching his son the true meaning of life. Jimmy Kimmel's view of training a son includes disrespect to his mother and women in general.

I am not a feminist but I wouldn't lead a son or daughter to anything including Jimmy Kimmel as an example.

Perhaps Anna Nicole shouldn't be given a clothing line or spots on television. What she should be given is some sound advice and some good medical care.

Anyone making a buck off of her should be ashamed of themselves.

Vic